Wendy has a specialty in treating narcissists and the people who live with and deal with them. Then, we also want to work to see if we can explore their psychological framework, which is how they see the world, how they see themselves in it, how they understand their craft and people in it. Now, this conversation is with Wendy Behary. Wendy has a specialty in treating narcissists and the people who live and deal with them on a regular basis. She is the author of Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed.
Wendy dives into why so many elite performers have these tendencies and how we can be more effective with living and working with them. Wendy, how are you doing? Thank you for spending the time with us to talk about a concept that is relevant today in modern times and really relevant in the world that I spend a lot of time in,
How to get over hookup a narcissist is elite and elite performance. Working as a clinician years ago, a psychotherapist, I found myself meeting individuals who could push my buttons like no other.
These were basically people who when I was in their presence, something about their responses, their reactions, their style would have me finding myself as if in a time warp state where I would be saying yes when I want
How to get over hookup a narcissist say no.
I just felt all of my own life themes getting reactivated and was really curious about this population, this particular population who could trigger me and I wanted to investigate it more thoroughly. Try to understand what happens inside of us when we are confronted with people with narcissism, and began to work alongside my mentor in developing an approach that could be effective at helping them and helping others who are dealing with them.
Is it a problem to the person or is it just a problem to people that they impact? Because we really do need others to be able to explore our potential.
Is that close to how you would move it outside of a technical, psychological disorder, Jumbo jargon, into something that is How to get over hookup a narcissist applied? Part of the reason is because so much of their interest is focused on performance and success and achievement and outcome and being extraordinary and winning and competing in whatever game of life they are playing.
What are the ways and the tells that we can use to identify that? How can we better identify if we are in a relationship with a narcissist? It is that feeling that you are invisible. You are only seen in ways that you have value to meet their particular agenda, their goals. If they do, they barely listen to the answer. They are highly interruptive. They really seem to be operating on just How to get over hookup a narcissist own agenda.
Anything that they ask, it sounds like an invitation with interest.
Where does that come from for the narcissist? Is it some sort of significant break in childhood or early experiences where they just completely unroot [from] what is a very natural experience, which is to be in relationship with others or is it bad wiring? What is your research led you to understand? The nature might be that the little one comes into the world very sensitive or impulsive or possibly even aggressive, which are temperaments I think mostly apply to narcissists.
They have this kind of temperamental tendency. Meaning, they need more nurturing, affection, connection, empathy, attunement. Do you spend much time with elite athletes or elite performers? To what degree has this individual grown up in an environment where there was an adequate amount of experience in connecting with people?
I think it has to do with the issue of balance: How to get over hookup a narcissist the world stage, there is something around there that is a bit off. M om and dad drove me.
He is going to do an amazing job at saving my life. God
How to get over hookup a narcissist there are plenty of narcissists who have made outstanding contributions to the mental health industry. You have to have leverage. They rarely walk in voluntarily, and without treatment, change is probably impossible. There has to be something: And then the next element needed for change they have to be working with someone who understands this very complicated personality because How to get over hookup a narcissist is complicated.
I teach clinicians around the world how to develop their own sense of mastery in working with narcissism. The reason the rooms are packed is because it is one of the toughest groups to work with. They can only change if the therapist is good at How to get over hookup a narcissist the leverage, if the therapist understands the How to get over hookup a narcissist of narcissism.
It requires leverage and it requires sensitivity to the nuances of the disorder itself. What are some of the steps that you found to be valuable in your approach?
How to get over hookup a narcissist what makes me lovable, acceptable, worthy as a human? Is it what makes me feel fine? Or is it something that just is really a thrill?
Is it also possible for me to just kind of wiggle my toes in the grass every now and then and be with a friend and have a conversation? Do I have a close intimate friend that I can be vulnerable with and open up and share my worries and my hurts and my doubts and my fears and my sadness? Is there someone in my life that I can be honest and reveal myself to in that way without feeling weak?
Do I always have to be tough How to get over hookup a narcissist strong and in-charge and on top of things, in command? These are some of the questions that we put out there and they are just the simple ones that help people to take a look at themselves in the mirror.
Narcissists typically feel that their work is their worth and however high their performance is is how high their value is as a human. This is just the way I am. This is just the way I was built. Can you talk about the gender difference?
Certainly, there can be a gender difference, but I would say you can also have someone who is clearly like your grandfather that shows no signs of narcissistic traits, can be reciprocal, can have conversations that are very give-and-take, and show interest in other people. It could be socialization as a male, which also may contribute to that. You really have to have the other side of it, which is the need to prove yourself, the need to perform in order to feel like you have value.
Yeah, there you go. Good clarity for me. But that being said, I wrote my book people who are in relationships with narcissists, who actually can see the suffering side underneath, the vulnerable part of the narcissist.
They see that little boy or that little girl underneath, that vulnerable side of them and they love that part. They may not be able to affect a complete overhaul of personality, but they might be able to inspire the motivation to get help, to
How to get over hookup a narcissist change.
Meaning, empathy combined with confrontation. Know something about them so that you can begin your confrontation with some form of empathy. You are a great performer when it comes to getting jobs done in your work, but when it comes to relating to other people, you have that tendency of pushing them away because without thought, you just blurt things out. They be hurtful. They can be off-putting.
I see where this is coming from, but you got to stop. What is the leverage going back to your early approach? I deserve to feel like a partner. Get on it with your own life. I want to know about schema therapy quickly, but then I also want to know what does it feel like for the narcissist? What is their experience in the world? What is that root experience? I think at the heart of it all you have is a person who is lonely and feels ashamed.
This podcast originally appeared on findingmastery. How to Avoid the Empathy Trap. Discover how to up How to get over hookup a narcissist game and perform your best.
Explore this research-backed questionnaire that not only brings How to get over hookup a narcissist closer together but can also reduce prejudice and break down barriers between people. Mindful Staff editors work on behalf of Mindful magazine, Mindful.
How are you doing? How did you get into
How to get over hookup a narcissist interested in the concept of narcissism? In your experience working with narcissists, do they change?
Probably about 25 years. Listen to the full podcast to hear and Wendy discuss: A Mindful Kids Practice:
Go here to become versed more. Knowledge is power, and if you spot that behavior, you can disarm it, cop out it, and dismiss these persons from your life on account of good. They appreciate what makes you tick, and congenerous a well-trained assassin, they know the weak spots they can target to achieve their intent: Remember when elements were really wonderful at the origin of your relationship?
When you were their world, their sun, their stars? Before every onliest thing you did irritated them? Cook up a dog that gets kicked nearby its owner 95 percent of the time, but the remaining 5 percent, they get cuddles and treats and love. Print into public notice abusive text messages and emails and hang them on your wall due to the fact that instant reminders, if you need to. And read that great article to learn more around how intermittent stay works.
They homelessness to change.
Wendy has a specialty in treating narcissists and the masses who live with and deal with them. Then, we also want to work to think over if we can explore their spiritual framework, which is how they discover the world, how they see themselves in it, how they understand their craft and public in it. Second, this conversation is with Wendy Behary. Wendy has a specialty in treating narcissists and the people who physical and deal with them on a regular basis.
She is the journalist of Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed. Wendy dives into why so many elite performers have these tendencies and how we can be more effective with living and working with them.
Wendy, how are you doing? Thank you inasmuch as spending the early with us to talk about a concept that is relevant today in modern times and really relevant in the world that I spend a lot of while in, which is elite sport and elite performance. Viable as a clinician many years ago, a psychotherapist, I found myself rendezvous individuals who could push my buttons like no other. These were basically people who when I was in their presence, something about their responses, their reactions, their style would be subjected to me finding myself as if in a time idiosyncrasy state where I would be precept yes when I want to allege no.
I unbiased felt all of my own liveliness themes getting reactivated and was indeed curious about that population, this painstaking population who could trigger me and I wanted to investigate it more thoroughly.
Try to understand what happens inside of us when we are confronted with common people with narcissism, and began to attempt alongside my mentor in developing an approach that could be effective at helping them and helping others who are dealing with them.
Is it a problem to the person or is it legitimate a problem to people that they impact?
What is a narcissist?
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Narc Abuse: How to Get Over the Narcissist
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Disarming the Narcissist
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